Apocalypse

This will be my last blog entry.

I apologize to all five of you who have continued to read it (and have never spared me the criticism, God love ya) and would, no doubt, continue to read it if I had the will and time to write it.

But alas, it is time for me to move forward with other projects, other adventures and other intrigues. And as I’m sure you all agree (as most of you have told me bluntly) that the blog, of late just isn’t what it used to be. Sadly, I just don’t have the time to write it anymore, as the shackles of my job have confined me to the tedious mental prison of international patent law. And moreover, my most recent posts have been meager excuses for entries…scraping together American Idol tidbits and briefly expounding trite commentary on contestants.

Anyway, my point is that if I can’t give my better abilities to this blog, insignificant as it may be, I really have no business writing it. Be that as it may, here it will end. But not before one last rant of course!

So check it, I thought this an appropriate time to wrap up the blogs…as spring is upon us and change is imminent. The house I live in is breaking up and a few of the key players will be making their exit. I also thought I might take this opportunity to divulge some of the negative behaviors that have been plaguing me this past year, in an effort to purge and replace the old habits with a cleaner and more harmonious order.

So let’s review some highlights. And lowlights…

I have spent many…many nights and plenty of days binge drinking and abusing other substances. Shit, that sounded bad…don’t worry, I’m completely functional…I work at a slavedriving lawfirm, I exercise, support myself and pursue other interests. But I am beginning to wonder if I am getting to old to be acting afool and blacking out all the time. I’ve spent most of this year running around town fighting with cab drivers, passing out at cafes, crashing bicycles and periodically making a ridiculous spectacle out of myself with the same guy, one time actually ripping the buttons off his shirt at a bar (we’ll call him Tall Sketch).

I survived a hospital visit. I threw a bottle at a wall at a bar for no reason. I leave my card at a bar virtually every weekend. I lost one shoe at a bar one night, then lost the other one somewhere on the metro the next morning.

Geez, when you put things together like that, one after another, it doesn’t sound good…but don’t worry you all have your share of antics, too that I would continue to list if I weren’t so kind…

Aaah, but what the hell. This is my last blog, isn’t it?

Fratastic fell off our second floor balcony one night, Metro crashed our window into the microwave in our kitchen trying to get in, Blondie had to take a cab home early from Virgin Fest in Baltimore for reasons I won’t even get into, Homo is a mess just standing, Friend falls asleep in a pile of food every time she goes home drunk…and so on…and on…and on…

So what? Are we all out of control?

Maybe. But I’ll say this. If you never do anything stupid, then you probably never do anything at all.

So here I go…into the next phase, blogless and without shame. My life has always been a perpetual cycle of losing all my dignity, then trying to gain it back. And at the exact moment I feel like I’ve acquired it anew, I lose it all over again.

So good luck to everyone. I hope you all will forgive my timely departure from the blogosphere. Thank you for reading and commenting!

And here it is that I take my bow and say farewell.

Anybody see this vomit-inducing look last night?

Sanjaya Malakar

What do ya know, still a no talent ass clown who now looks like a pervie child molester with a dirty sanchez. What a comeback Sanjy.

Idolatry

Ok, damn I love American Idol

Here are some of my personal faves this season...

Oh shit, my boss just walked by and I had a big child picture of David Archuleta on my screen. That can’t be good for my image around here.

But on the real, David Archuleta is the shizz and nobody should even try to disagree. He’s so cute and he does not look like he’s aged a day since the tender age of five. (Can you tell the difference between him as a child…above, inset and him at 17…inset, below?? Barely)

He kind of resembles a Pomeranian puppy, no? Or some sort of Teddy bear

But looks and cuteness aside, he is an amazing singer and performer. He can "blow" as Randy has taken to saying this season and after he's done with each performance he acts like he just came out of a black out. Like he can't remember what just happened and all the blood from every corner of his body is rushing to his head. When asked how old he was on Tuesday night he hesitated like he was going to start counting on his fingers or something

And of course these two gems...

ok, so the buzz is that they both already had record deals but they don't have current record deals so they're not really breaking any rules.

They can both really sing and made watching all those painful and "grotesque" acts worth every second just to get to their final performances.

Although I do really like Danny Noriega too I think Simon is a closet homophobe just waiting to break out a new mutation of cruelty this season with that one.

Ok, so those are my top three as of right now and I'd be willing to bet that all three will make it to the top five. Anybody want to place a friendly wager on it? If so, comment.

SuperBowl XLII

Ok, ok, so I know what you all are thinking. Why is she blogging about the Super Bowl? She only tunes in to watch Tom Brady's perfectly-sculpted physique undulating as he arches back ever-so swiftly to throw that ball. The sole fact that she is female excludes her from all football discussions considered relevant or grounded in rational thought.

But I have watched plenty of games this season (as a byproduct of living with three guys). In fact, more games than I have ever watched any other season and I pay attention (sometimes my attention wanes, but I glean the highlights and important plays) and I watched the Super Bowl, so I figure that gives me just as much right as anyone to comment on it.

So here’s what I thought of last night’s game…

Any way you look at it, it was a monumental game. I watched the New England/ Indianapolis game after the Redskins played the Cowboys back in November and I remember deciding right then and there that the Patriots were unbeatable. I watched their sly maneuvering and expert conceptual execution of a game so easily and fluidly manipulated to their will.

I watched and read about all their subsequent games, without a single passing worry troubling my mind as to their absolute state of superiority over every other team.

However, it is one of those anomalies that as soon as we start to think of men as Gods, it is at that exact moment that they will prove themselves human.

And I think we saw a little bit of that last night.

The game, itself, went by pretty slowly until the fourth quarter. The first half saw the drives and pushes typical of first-half football. Although the Patriots were floundering more so than I have seen them in a while. Brady was going down left and right it seemed and each time writhing his body like a wild beast amid the shock and bewilderment of players actually succeeding in taking him down. The giants were putting up a strong fight, but I still thought NE would bring it through in the end.

But the fourth quarter, I think, let us see what winning is all about. I think the Patriots Achilles’ Heel last night was that their usually impeccable timing was just a little bit off. They came through with their inevitable last-3-minutes-of-the-game-touchdown, but left just a little too much time for the Giants to score. They underestimated the opposing team’s drive and ability and the thought that NY could bring it back and score just as quickly never even enter their minds. And this is where arrogance will bring you down.

Fast-forward about a minute and a half and they will suffer the terrible fallout of this mistake. The play (and I’m sure everyone who watched it already knows what I’m talking about) where Eli wriggled his way out of a potential sack to somehow get the ball to wide receiver David Tyree (and yes, I looked up his name, I’m not that good) as he caught it by, literally gripping the ball to his head, as he was pulled down and thrashed at by the Patriots’ Rodney Harrison...seriously blew me away. It was one of those exceptional plays that you really don’t get to see that often where, after the whole damn perfect season for the Patriots and all their glory, it just came down to a question of who wanted it more. And it wasn’t the Patriots.

After that, there was a small margin of time for a counter, but no such miracle occurred.

And the Giants won. Just like that. Clean, fair and honest.

And in a way, I think the loss will help the Patriots develop and evolve as a team. The loss will humble them (and hopefully humble their grim reaper coach), as well as mitigate that pesky hubris that seems to be their tragic flaw. Perhaps they will come back next season with the harmonious combination of heart and skill that it takes to have a perfect season. Maybe then they will be worthy of the title “best team ever.” They’re not there yet, though…clearly.

As someone who maybe hasn’t watched/invested in enough football to really sustain any loyalties (although I am steadily developing a penchant for Washington), this allows me to, for the most part, watch with an objective eye. This is the same objective eye that watched as the unbeatable team was beaten. And now, I think I can say with some degree of certainty that I am no longer objective, as the Giants may just have won me over.

And At least Tom Brady has Stetson to cover up the stink of defeat.

The New Face of Big Bear Cafe

This place has really developed since it first opened last May and I'm glad that I've been around to observe its evolution.

It started out a very meager attempt at the small, neighborhood coffee shop; inundating its customers with environmental initiatives and small-scale, inner-city activism.

Now, it has molded itself into a full-fledged hipster elitist think tank of beat-like proportions.

However, most of the time there is no place to sit and certainly no place to think. When you enter, especially through the east door (the door that faces where I'm coming from and most often enter) you immediately confront the looks and judgment of a crowd so unknowingly condescending and exclusive, you would think you had mistakenly walked into a secret council, who's primary objective is to rid the world of all evil...and YOU are the very evil they are trying to rid it from.

You can order food or coffee or tea (they don't carry soft drinks or regular iced tea, so don't ask... this will induce instant derision from the employees and all those who overhear your order...a possibly irreparable rookie mistake). They have taken to strange, get-to-know-each-other type exercises such as putting out name tags by the register for customers to pick up and wear. They all have random, mildly amusing names written on them for you to choose from. For example, one of the female baristas wears one that says "Maurice," a ragged looking customer (clearly a regular) dons one that reads "Day Man," a male barista is "kitten," another female employee making the sandwiches is "farmer" and so on and so forth. I picked up one that says "mailman" and put it on my shirt. It would do you well to participate in these little games, as they are designed to tie the herd closer together and alienate those who enter who do not think like them.

And if you follow these instructions without faltering and proceed to sit down with your laptop, book or newspaper (do NOT come without one of the prior, it would be like going to the pool without a bathing suit or towel...once you're there you're completely useless and must, by consequence of your ill preparation, leave), you're in the club.

Don't be nervous about it because they can sense your nerves and will prey on them like an intuitive animal preys on fear. It is yet, another thing that can give you away as an intruder who doesn't belong.

The owners, a thirty-something couple (from what I gather) with no kids yet (I'm not sure about the kid part though) are quintessentially the royalty of the place; the most uppity and haughty of the bunch, only talking to those who suit their persnickety fancy. They have quite intentionally perpetuated a hierarchy in their cafe for them to preside over and in a way, I respect them for it.

All of that said, once you're in, this place is kind of sweet. They play decent music and provide an outlet for daytime exercise of brain muscle and socializing.

Pompous and brow-raising as they are and bedraggled as they look, these hipsters can surprise you at times with their quips and their often friendly medicine for the common brain cloud. ? would have felt at home here and would be proud of the progress it has made (he moved to India back in October, by the way).

So let's all raise our cappuccino mugs and emerald lily green teas to toast what has become of BBC (an accidental pun they have taken to playing up in the cafe, of late). The good, the bad and the bald men with ever-so-carefully groomed chin beards. Cheers.

I'm working on one...patience my friends

The Condemned Library

A sight of wreckage to behold.

A portrait of the laziness and apathy that infuriatingly plague Shaw.

I wanted to go to the library today to do some work so I decided to walk (it being such a an unseasonably nice day and all) down to the Watha T. Daniel Library that sits across the street from the Shaw/ Howard metro station's R and 8th street exit. The library essentially splits the street, positioned in an acute angle to R and Rhode Island. Heading due West on either street, you can't miss it. It's an old, brick, oddly-shaped building reflecting poor architecture and shoddy construction. I still don't know who Watha T. Daniel is (no matches found on Wikipedia), but whoever she is I don't think she would approve of what has become of the building that bears her name.

I never could quite figure out which side was the front of it since the outside walls of the west and north ends both showcase the name of the library and I never did notice a front entrance.

But as I was walking toward it I noticed it was fenced off. I just thought that was a precautionary measure at first (a supposition not altogether unjustified), but alas upon rounding the east end of the building, I came across the unanticipated and startling sight of an abandoned demolition.

There, a rusted bulldozer with its crane extended into the bottom of the front entrance sits on a pile of rubble. Some orange cones lay sporadic around the bulldozer. And situated in front of the bulldozer (the closest object to the fence), as if to introduce and welcome the onlooker to the scene, stands a leaning sanijohn.

Needless to say, it was a gloomy sight. I wondered what happened? Did the construction crew get a call in the middle of their first swing calling off the whole deal? Did not enough people show up to adequately start the project, but the ones who did show decided to have a little fun and wreck some shit before leaving to go get a beer? Did some crackhead who shouldn't have been wielding a bulldozer in the first place get distracted by the smell of hot dogs coming from the 7-Eleven across the street? ...A ridiculous place, by the way, probably an active outlet for drug trafficking. I know there are aways crackbums begging outside, and in a really rude and aggressive way, no less. Metro was once confronted by a lady telling him she would suck his dick for five dollars.

Whatever the hell happened the point is that nothing even got cleaned up or returned
or anything. It's just sitting there reminding everyone who sees it that a library couldn't flourish there and those hired to destroy it must have concluded that it just wasn't worth it.

Now the building is probably home to homeless people, rats, drug addicts and maybe some local teenagers in need of a place to be alone , if you know what I mean. Oh and maybe that cracklady who solicits at 7-Eleven with her woebegone clients.

Anyway, reaching some fingers into the blogosphere I found out that construction of a new library or perhaps housing and retail in that location is scheduled to begin in 2010. I just hope (although I have my doubts) that this development comes to pass.

I also wonder what became of all those books that must have been in there.