Apocalypse

This will be my last blog entry.

I apologize to all five of you who have continued to read it (and have never spared me the criticism, God love ya) and would, no doubt, continue to read it if I had the will and time to write it.

But alas, it is time for me to move forward with other projects, other adventures and other intrigues. And as I’m sure you all agree (as most of you have told me bluntly) that the blog, of late just isn’t what it used to be. Sadly, I just don’t have the time to write it anymore, as the shackles of my job have confined me to the tedious mental prison of international patent law. And moreover, my most recent posts have been meager excuses for entries…scraping together American Idol tidbits and briefly expounding trite commentary on contestants.

Anyway, my point is that if I can’t give my better abilities to this blog, insignificant as it may be, I really have no business writing it. Be that as it may, here it will end. But not before one last rant of course!

So check it, I thought this an appropriate time to wrap up the blogs…as spring is upon us and change is imminent. The house I live in is breaking up and a few of the key players will be making their exit. I also thought I might take this opportunity to divulge some of the negative behaviors that have been plaguing me this past year, in an effort to purge and replace the old habits with a cleaner and more harmonious order.

So let’s review some highlights. And lowlights…

I have spent many…many nights and plenty of days binge drinking and abusing other substances. Shit, that sounded bad…don’t worry, I’m completely functional…I work at a slavedriving lawfirm, I exercise, support myself and pursue other interests. But I am beginning to wonder if I am getting to old to be acting afool and blacking out all the time. I’ve spent most of this year running around town fighting with cab drivers, passing out at cafes, crashing bicycles and periodically making a ridiculous spectacle out of myself with the same guy, one time actually ripping the buttons off his shirt at a bar (we’ll call him Tall Sketch).

I survived a hospital visit. I threw a bottle at a wall at a bar for no reason. I leave my card at a bar virtually every weekend. I lost one shoe at a bar one night, then lost the other one somewhere on the metro the next morning.

Geez, when you put things together like that, one after another, it doesn’t sound good…but don’t worry you all have your share of antics, too that I would continue to list if I weren’t so kind…

Aaah, but what the hell. This is my last blog, isn’t it?

Fratastic fell off our second floor balcony one night, Metro crashed our window into the microwave in our kitchen trying to get in, Blondie had to take a cab home early from Virgin Fest in Baltimore for reasons I won’t even get into, Homo is a mess just standing, Friend falls asleep in a pile of food every time she goes home drunk…and so on…and on…and on…

So what? Are we all out of control?

Maybe. But I’ll say this. If you never do anything stupid, then you probably never do anything at all.

So here I go…into the next phase, blogless and without shame. My life has always been a perpetual cycle of losing all my dignity, then trying to gain it back. And at the exact moment I feel like I’ve acquired it anew, I lose it all over again.

So good luck to everyone. I hope you all will forgive my timely departure from the blogosphere. Thank you for reading and commenting!

And here it is that I take my bow and say farewell.