The Self-Righteous Douchebags I have to Serve

So I'm a waitress at an upscale restaurant in downtown D.C. Our clientele is varied, but for the most part, I'm used to serving the business class and government affiliates. Some observations...

They sit down at their tables, exchanging pleasantries and such, squeezing out their most casually professional faces to sit down for a business lunch. I greet the table, getting a feel for who I'm dealing with (government, real estate, financial officers, sales reps, etc. etc.) Sometimes, there's a jokester at the table who tries to induce a smile out of their visibly agitated waitress. I ask for their drink order and wait while they exchange glances, trying to deduce if anyone else at the table wants an alcoholic beverage as desperately as they do. Once one person gets a confirmation look from somebody else at the table, he or she (usually he) takes the lead and orders a beer, or maybe a liquor drink if he wants to exhibit an overt display of balls. The others at the table let out a sigh of relief, as now it is acceptable and socially appropriate (as rules of etiquette dictate that one cannot drink alone) for the rest of the company to order the drinks they have been thinking about drinking since the anouncement of the lunch they have so eagerly awaited.

Then I come back with their drinks and take the food order, which is never a simple process. They all have questions, as their liberal educations have taught them never to take anything at face value. They must get a full and thorough account of the options before letting me make the decision. They ask for my recommendations and I tell them what to order. If the person is aware and sensible, he or she will order what I recommend, but occasionally, I'll get the ones who ask what I prefer, then brazenly order the thing I tried to steer them away from. And that's fine, but begs the question... why ask at all if you already knew what you wanted? Maybe it's that liberal education rearing its ugly head again (well, I guess it's not always an ugly head, depending on the context of its emergence).

Now that the majority of my speaking role is done, they're free to start their meeting and I'm free to quietly observe what is at best, a steady gallup of getting people up to speed on recent developments and at worst, a disorganized mess of scatterbrained ideas, mixed with unprofessional and not so subtle or astutely executed sexual jokes. Most of these people just talk in circles, without a logical direction or outline. One time, I had two employees of PEPCO meeting at my table (our D.C. electricity supplier) and I was seriously unnerved by their 10-minute discussion of a female co-worker, clearly prioritizing that over a binder full of work in front of them on the table. Suffice it to say that, in my observations, the "business lunch" does not yield much productivity. It seems to me like those sitting, eating and working alone accomplish more than the group effort involved in a meeting.

But hey, what do I know, I'm just a waitress.