Blog the second: The Neighborhood, Part 1

So, I guess the neighborhood I live in deserves a fair introduction as well. It's as much of a character as any of the wankers previously mentioned.

I live in Shaw, which sort of speaks for itself...and coming from Reston and JMU it's not exactly what I'm used to. We have issues with our house every week...from the AC not working to the water being shut off, locks not working, subterranean tenants boiling with hatred for us, disfunctional outlets, fuses blowing...the list goes on. Our next door neighbor does some troubleshooting for these problems, as she is I guess the acting landlord in lieu of our actual landlord, the owner of the house; the elusive A. Grant. We still have yet to speak with him or contact him in any way since we've moved in. So, that's the house.

Starting with our immediate next door neighbors, there is the acting landlord lady, Noble: jetsetter/ bussiness woman/ saleswoman extraordinaire, her Asian boyfriend/ personal trainer, Jon and their cute, bastard daughter. Also, a live-in nanny who looks like Aunt Jamima and might be mute.


Then, there's the guy who lives in the basement apartment of our house, Mr. Harris; a surly black man who works for the British embassy, avoids all possible contact with us and enjoys writing subversive emails to our landlord expounding the new tenants (a.k.a. us) as the unruly, uncivilized spawn of the devil.

About 100 feet down the block you'll find the jolly black, middle-aged men who occupy both sides of the street for the entirety of the day. I'm not quite sure what they do except sit on their lawn chairs and talk...I've never seen them playing any sort of game or smoking or anything. They just sit...we enjoy a friendly exchange every time I walk by them, which is probably at least twice each day since I go to Windows (another post in itself) almost every day. One of them the other day said he would be glad to carry me to the store every day so i wouldn't have to walk and his cronies all erupted in laughter. I thought that would be nice and wished he wasn't kidding...I said back to him "or maybe you could push me in a stroller" and we agreed on this as a happy medium.

The guys who hang out on the other side of the street are a little more sleazy, but harmless, nonetheless. I've started a thing with them...when I walk by I always say hi and give my friendly smile, then about ten steps after I've walked past them I yell back "stop staring at my ass!" without turing around, which always gets a laugh.

One of the queerest things I observe every day is the house on the other side of the street, towards the middle of the block (the block is full of row houses) with a window display of dolls in wedding dresses. The front window is fairly big...probably about 6 ft x 5 ft or something like that and propped up staring out at you, in all their menacing glory, are about 6 old, scraggly dolls (in various heights) fully clad in bridal attire. What's more is that if you look beyond the dolls there is nothing in the house to be seen....no furniture curtains, tables, whatever. As if to assert their sole occupancy and dominance over the house. Anyway, it's creepy and makes me think there is some crazy woman who is rotting in that house, like Miss Havisham, who was left at the altar or something millions of years ago.

Anyway, that's an introduction to the neighborhood...

More to come.

Blog the first

So I've been told I have stories that must be told. Here, begins my blog.

I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Vanessa and I live in D.C. currently. I'm a waitress and God, do I hate serving people. The job is whatever...it's kind of what I want right now...good money, people my age, bull shit, I can get off when I need to... to do whatever the hell it is I do (I don't even know sometimes), etc. But, Jesus dealing with the public is a bitch.

Likes, dislikes...I don't know. I'm fanatical about The Office right now. I thought the season finale was genius...what would happen if Dwight took over...damn I was reeling after I watched that. What else, I like to travel even though I don't get to do it that often. I spent one semester studying in Florence and got to travel Europe a little, it was the time of my life. Other than that I guess you could say that I'm not exactly a glass half-full type of person. But hey, I examine the world around me as I see it.

I guess I should introduce the cast of characters in my life right now, too. I have 4 loveable roommates whom I shall refer to as the following:

Blondie-The other girl I live with. She has the master bedroom, a closetfull of nice clothes, a decent job, plenty of dudes she keeps around and still finds something to complain about every day. Has a keen sense of style. Our house would probably look like shit if it wasn't for her. Fond of the couch. Drinks a lot

Metro- The most feminine of the guys I live with. By all practical and theoretical standards you would think he is gay, but he's not. Listens to God knows what kind of music. I find him doing the weirdest things sometimes. Scratches a lot (he has dry skin) Minor, underlying power struggle between the two of us (I will revisit this topic)

?- The one I cannot get for the life of me. Perhaps a drifter. Messy. Always singing, but somehow unaware of it. Prone to hyper rationalizations and demonstrations of academic prowess. Would have been well suited to the beat movement.

Fratastic- Probably the cleanest of all of us. Preppy as shit...owns dozens of Lecoste and Ralph Lauren polo shirts that he wears sometimes with seer-sucker pants, collar popped. But completely aware of the masquerade he creates, as if posing as a satire of himself. Has a way with the ladies.

And another two worth mentioning...

Friend- One of my oldest friends. Been through a lot together. Not altogether sane, but who is? Delusional when it comes to guys, but is doing ok with her current relationship. Peculiar love of all things 80s. Has a bite in her that you would not see coming.

Sis- The sister I love and have tons of fun with. Quirky to say the least. Boozetown, USA, but hilarious. Currently with a guy that she pulls around like her own personal chaufer. Good taste in music. Packrat bag lady.

I say all this with love and want nothing but the best for these people. Also, if it helps...here's the cast I've chosen to play these roles in the movie:

Me: Zooey Deschanel
Blondie: Scarlet Johansen
Metro: Tofer Grace
?: Paul Rudd
Fratastic: Josh Hartnett
Friend: Ana Faris
Sis: Natalie Portman

So, here it begins.